Everything I know I learned from TV

In the novel Tell No One, Harlan Coben’s POV character floats an intriguing theory: “It’s an amazing thing really, but when you think about it, we learn life’s most important lessons from TV.”

Such as how to fire a gun, spot a tail or read someone their rights. Or if you’re not the star of a suspense novel, how to look smashing in jeans, score on a first date or cook a meal even the North Koreans would appreciate.

When education and religion reach their saturation limits, television eagerly fills in the blanks. It teaches us how to deal with alien races (“Star Trek”), bask in constant applause (“Seinfeld”) and talk to women (“Xena: the Warrior Princess”). It shows us how to impress our buddies with our athletic prowess while balancing on a bar stool (“SportsCenter”).

jetsons-video-phoneI’m not even going to get into the absurdities of life we’ve seen paraded across screen: Balloon Boy, OJ, Watergate, the Lewinski scandal, the McCarthy hearings. Maybe the revolution will be televised.

On the other hand, we can find practical ways to improve ourselves and our property by installing hardwood floors, landscaping the backyard and learning to speaking another language with our furry friends on Sesame Street—especially if Bob Vila stops by. With the advent of the Wii, we can even get stay fit without leaving the apartment. Jane Fonda meets the Jetsons.

Television has shown us the best we have to offer (the Olympics) and the other stuff (Jerry Springer and “The Price is Right”). We’ve seen the struggle, triumph and greed born of a capitalist society. TV has challenged (“The Twilight Zone”), horrified (live coverage of the 9/11 attacks) and, as always, entertained (the Marx Brothers and the early days of MTV come to mind).

I’ve learned a few things while watching the middle screen over the years: compassion from the cast of “M*A*S*H,” determination from crime shows like “Colombo” and “Monk” and the importance of character from “Foyle’s War,” Anthony Horowitz’s brilliant saga of life on the British home front during World War II.

What lessons have you learned from TV?

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